How to Help Your Partner Cope with Anxiety: A Couples Therapy Approach
Transforming Anxious Moments into Opportunities for Supportive Connection
Seeing a loved one struggle with anxiety can be challenging. It can feel like they are getting swept away in the storm of emotion, while you are on land not knowing how to reach them. This distance often creates a painful sense of helplessness, and many of us respond by offering advice or trying to rescue our partners from their distress—actions that come from love but may inadvertently leave them feeling even more misunderstood.
As a result, a pattern of disconnect manifests. You end up feeling helpless and stuck in not knowing how to help, and your partner feels alone in their anxiety. The good news is there is hope in finding ways to find each other through the storm of anxious moments. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples is a useful approach to working with couples who are missing each other in these important moments. Before we explore how EFT helps provide support, an important first step is understanding the anxiety your partner experiences.
Understanding The Nature of Anxiety
Anxiety isn't just useless worry – it goes much deeper than that. For your partner, anxiety can be a whole-body experience rooted in our evolutionary survival mechanisms. When our ancestors were hunters and gatherers, the brain's alarm system activated whenever dangerous predators threatened survival. This same threat response exists today, yet often can't distinguish between life-threatening danger and challenges like failing on a work project.
When a threat is perceived, the amygdala (the brain's threat response center) hijacks the prefrontal cortex (the logic and reasoning part of the brain), flooding the body with stress hormones. Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? So while you might see your partner's fears as irrational or illogical from the outside, inside they're experiencing a very real physiological emergency. Understanding these neurobiological dynamics can help soften your frustration and foster compassion toward this automatic response that your partner isn't choosing to have.
Showing Up For Each Other: EFT Therapy Tips For Deeper Connection
Finding ways to navigate these emotional storms together can be incredibly challenging, often leading to frustration, disconnect, and isolation. Emotionally Focused Therapy helps you and your partner identify these patterns and better understand how they create distance between you. Below are a few tips rooted in EFT principles that can help you support one another through anxious moments.
Externalize the Pattern that Stems from Anxiety: Remember that when tension arises due to the presence of anxiety, both of you are trying to protect your bond in the only ways you know how. When you view this pattern as something to work through together toward secure connection, rather than something you have to fight each other on, you create a safe haven where vulnerability can be met with compassion.
Seek to Understand: Feeling anxious can be paralyzing, confusing, and isolating for your partner. By offering your presence and genuine curiosity, you help them explore what truly lies at the root of their fears. Common fears behind anxiety might include "fear of failing," "fear of isolation and abandonment," or "fear of being unlovable." Remember that while it's your partner's journey to explore these deeper vulnerabilities, you can be their responsive companion along the way.
Provide Emotional Attunement: As you both get to know your cycle better, you'll recognize the subtle signs when anxiety is present for your partner. Perhaps they grow quiet when ruminating or become noticeably distracted. When you notice these cues, you can gently check in and say, "Hey, I noticed you've been quiet today. Are you feeling overwhelmed?"
Explore Your Own Longings: You're a partner in this journey and have your own needs and longings. What do you find yourself yearning for when this pattern emerges? Is it difficult to not know what to do, leaving you feeling inadequate? Perhaps you long for acknowledgment that your partner sees your efforts. Maybe you begin to feel somewhat abandoned when your partner is consumed by anxiety. How might you gently express your longing to feel close again and find ways to reconnect?
Take the Next Step Together: Support For Couples Therapy Denver
It’s common for couples to be deeply affected by daily stressors and anxiety. At Colorado Therapy Collective, we believe your relationship can become a container for healing, helping you and your partner build a secure foundation for navigating anxiety and even experiencing those emotions in new, healthier ways together.
Are you curious about how EFT or our team of couples therapists can support your journey? Reach out today for a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation— we’ll answer any questions you have and explore how to help you both thrive.
