How to Talk About ADHD With Your Partner (Without Feeling Broken)
Turn tough ADHD conversations into moments of empathy, teamwork, and growth.
Being someone with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in a relationship can sometimes feel like carrying an invisible weight. You may worry that your partner only sees the challenges, like the forgetfulness, the disorganization, the emotional ups and downs, without noticing the creativity, energy, and resilience you bring to your partnership. Conversations about ADHD can quickly turn into shame, defensiveness, or misunderstanding, leaving one or both partners feeling disconnected or “broken.”
ADHD does not make you broken. Talking about it in your relationship can actually be an opportunity to build understanding, trust, and closeness with one another. To approach it with curiosity, compassion, and the right approach, these conversations can help both partners feel seen and supported. Here are some ways that can be helpful in navigating such conversations.
Start with Self-Compassion
It’s easy to internalize messages that ADHD makes you “lazy,” “unreliable,” or “too much.” Before talking with your partner, remind yourself that ADHD does not define your worth or productivity. Approaching the conversation with self-compassion creates space for openness instead of defensiveness.
Frame It as “Us Against the Problem/ADHD”
Instead of approaching ADHD as “me vs. you,” try to frame it as something the two of you are facing together. For example, you might say:
“When I get distracted, I know it can feel like I’m not listening. That’s not my intention, and I want us to find ways to feel more connected.”
This shifts the conversation away from blame and toward teamwork. It also helps reframe how ADHD impacts both of you in your relationship.
Share How ADHD Feels for You
Your partner may only see the external behaviors such as the missed appointment, the pile of laundry, the interrupted conversation rather than the internal experience. Talking about the feelings underneath helps your partner connect with your perspective. For example:
“When I forget something important, I feel ashamed and worry you’ll think I don’t care.”
Sharing the emotional layer invites empathy and helps your partner understand what’s really at stake for you.
Invite Your Partner’s Perspective
Your partner also experiences the impact of ADHD, and giving them space to share their feelings can reduce tension. Ask open-ended questions such as:
“How does it feel for you when ADHD shows up in our relationship?”
This creates a more balanced conversation where both voices matter.
Explore Supports Together
Conversations don’t have to stop at just insight, they can also lead to solutions. Brainstorm together about what tools or adjustments might make daily life smoother. That could mean using shared calendars, setting reminders, breaking chores into smaller steps, or redistributing tasks in a way that feels fair. Couples therapy or ADHD support groups can also provide support in navigating these changes.
Closing the Gap With Compassion
Talking about ADHD in your relationship can feel tender and vulnerable. But it’s also an act of courage. Each time you share your experience honestly and invite your partner into it, you strengthen the connection you both have. The goal isn’t to erase ADHD or pretend it isn’t there and instead it’s to approach it with compassion and collaboration, so you can both feel more supported.
Remember: ADHD does not make you broken. It simply adds another layer to how you and your partner build your relationship. Consider that approaching it with openness and care, these conversations can bring you closer rather than push you apart.
If ADHD is showing up in your relationship and you’d like to support navigating these conversations, therapy can be a safe place to practice new ways of connecting. Learn more about how we approach ADHD Therapy on our specialty page and reach out to schedule a consultation with a couple and/or individual therapist. You don’t have to figure this out alone.