When Mother's Day Hurts Part II – Setting Boundaries and Responding to Social Pressure
Facing the Pressure to Conform: Navigating Mother’s Day Expectations
Welcome back to Part 2 of this blog series. In Part 1, we explored the grief and complexity that Mother’s Day can bring for adult children navigating strained or estranged maternal relationships. We touched on attachment wounds, cultural expectations, and the bravery it takes to create boundaries, sometimes even going no contact, with a parent. Now let’s talk about another layer of difficulty: the social and relational pressure to conform.
When Friends and Family Don’t Understand
The pressure to connect with or honor your mother often doesn’t just come from greeting card aisles or television commercials. It can come from the people in your life who care about you, such as friends, extended family, even coworkers. Although well intended, they may not always understand the nuances of your decision.
You may hear things like:
“But she’s your mom at the end of the day. You only have one mother.”
“Just call her and tell her you love her.”
“If my mom were still here, I’d give anything to talk to her.”
These comments, while often well-intentioned, can feel dismissive, guilt-inducing, and invalidating. They’re often not about you, they’re about the other person’s discomfort with your boundaries, or their inability to imagine a maternal relationship that isn’t inherently safe and loving.
Attachment theory helps us understand that secure relationships require emotional safety, not just biological ties. When someone says, “But she’s your mom,” the unspoken message is often: her role entitles her to connection, no matter the harm. That belief is not only harmful, it places the entire burden of repair and regulation on the child, even when the parent caused the harm.
You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation
You get to decide what relationships are safe for you. And you get to choose whether or not you want to explain those choices. If you’re confronted with unsolicited advice or guilt-laden projections, consider whether the person asking is genuinely curious about your story, or simply uncomfortable with it. You might offer a response like:
“I know your experience with your mom was meaningful. Mine has been very different, and I’ve had to make some hard choices for my own well-being. I don’t expect everyone to understand, but I’ve learned to trust what’s right for me.”
Or something with a firmer boundary:
“I’m not open to discussing my relationship with my mom. It’s something I’ve worked through deeply, and I’m at peace with my decision.”
You don’t have to justify your boundaries to people who haven’t lived through your pain.
Attachment-based Coping Strategies for Mother’s Day
As you move through this holiday, here are a few grounding practices rooted in attachment theory:
Validate your feelings.
Whether you’re grieving, angry, numb, or relieved, your emotional response is real. It’s okay to hold mixed feelings.
Stay connected to safe people.
Reach out to those who can meet you with compassion and not judgment. You deserve co-regulation, not criticism
Engage in reparenting rituals.
Write a letter to your inner child. Make yourself your favorite meal. Take a break from social media. Do something nurturing that reinforces the message: you matter.
Reclaim or repurpose the day.
You might celebrate a chosen mother figure, honor your own parenting journey, or opt out entirely. There is no “right” way to move through this day.
Anchor in your truth.
Remind yourself that love and boundaries are not mutually exclusive. The decision to protect yourself is not a betrayal, it’s an act of self-respect.
Closing Thoughts
To those navigating grief, estrangement, or complex maternal dynamics this Mother’s Day: I see you. You are not selfish for protecting your peace. You are not unloving for acknowledging harm. You are not alone. Your experience matters. Your boundaries are valid. And your healing, whatever it looks like, is sacred.
If this holiday stirs up grief, confusion, or emotional overwhelm, know that you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Colorado Therapy Collective, our team of compassionate, attachment-based Emotionally Focused Therapists are here to support you—whether you're processing a complex maternal relationship, setting boundaries for the first time, or simply trying to make sense of your feelings. You deserve a space where your experience is honored without judgment. We offer a complimentary 20-minute consultation to help you explore whether therapy with us feels like the right fit. Your experience is valid and we are here to support you.
