Wondering if Discernment Counseling is right for you and your spouse? While you may not have relationship clarity, you can have clarity about the process. Here is a detailed description of how Colorado Therapy Collective structures the process of Discernment Counseling, from start to finish. 

Step 1: Read About Discernment Counseling

Before you schedule anything, read this brief summary of what Discernment Counseling is and isn’t, and reflect on whether it is appropriate for you and your spouse. Most people can tell if Discernment Counseling sounds helpful or applicable to their situation just by reading about it. 

Step 2 (Optional): Free Consultation Call

If you still have questions about whether Discernment Counseling is a good fit for you and your partner, one or both of you can join a free consultation call to ask questions about the process and get guidance about whether Discernment Counseling is likely to be a good fit, or whether we might recommend something else. This is also a good chance to get a recommendation for a specific counselor on the CTC team and to ensure that their schedule is compatible with your availability. Please note that CTC only offers one free consultation session per couple, so you are encouraged to coordinate with your spouse if you think they may also want to join an exploratory / informational call.

Step 3: Individual Intakes

Once you and your spouse have both agreed that Discernment Counseling sounds like the right next step for your relationship, you will each schedule a 25-minute individual intake call (via Zoom) with your CTC Discernment Counselor. Having each partner independently schedule their intake is an important part of the process and reflects that each person is choosing to engage intentionally. The online scheduler we use, Simple Practice, will ask when scheduling “Who would be receiving care?” and gives the options 1) Me 2) My partner and me 3) Someone else. Please choose “me” so we can ensure each partner is scheduling independently.

Once you have scheduled your video intake call, you will be sent paperwork to complete prior to the call, and will need to put a credit card on file to reserve the appointment. If paperwork is not complete or a credit card is not on file, we may need to cancel or reschedule your intake call. 

During your intake call, the Discernment Counselor will gather some important information about you and the relationship that both sets the foundation for successful Discernment Counseling and ensures that you are a good candidate for Discernment Counseling. It is important that you have privacy for this intake call. 

Please note that these intake calls are subject to a cancellation fee without at least 48 hours notice, and are billed at a flat fee of $25 per intake call.

Step 4: First Joint Discernment Counseling Session. 

Once both partners have completed their individual intake calls and your Discernment Counselor has confirmed that you are good candidates, they will schedule your first joint Discernment Counseling session, which will be 100 minutes and include both partners. 

The first session focuses on understanding how you arrived at this crossroads, with time both together and individually. It will begin with both partners together. Your Discernment Counselor will ask each of you some standard questions about how your relationship got to the point where divorce was a possibility, what you have tried to address the problems of the relationship,  the impact of children on your decision making (if applicable), as well as about the positives of the relationship. After you’ve both shared your answers and listened to each other’s responses, your Discernment Counselor will spend some 1:1 time with each partner, with brief sharing between 1:1 sessions. This 1:1 time is typically fairly brief in the first session due to the time together addressing the initial questions, but will be more extended in future sessions. 

The Discernment Counselor will work differently with each partner depending on whether they are “leaning out” or “leaning in,” but in all cases will be working to help both of you have a better understanding of the problems of the relationship and your own role in them, as well as helping you to identify important things to share with your partner.

In each Discernment Counseling session, you will have the opportunity to decide whether to do another Discernment Counseling session. We encourage most couples to attend at least two sessions, since it is rare that true confidence and clarity emerges from one session alone, but we always honor that you have a choice. 

Whether meeting virtually or in-person, it is important that both partners be available for the full 100 minutes - if you’re meeting in-person, you will wait in the lobby during your partner’s 1:1 time. If you’re meeting virtually, plan to be available to rejoin the session when your partner texts to let you know it’s your turn, and plan for each of you to have privacy during your 1:1s.

Step 5: Further Discernment Counseling Sessions

After the first Discernment Counseling session, subsequent sessions will start with a brief check-in altogether in which both partners will share about which “Path” they are currently leaning toward - maintaining the status quo, divorce, or a commitment to couples therapy. The Discernment Counselor will then spend some time meeting 1:1 with each partner while the other waits in the lobby, with each partner briefly sharing an insight with their partner after their 1:1. The Discernment Counselor will close each session with both partners together, offering a summary of their insight and scheduling a next session if appropriate. 

Discernment Counseling is not couples therapy, and is meant to be a time-limited process with a maximum of five joint sessions. This keeps sessions very focused on the goal of gaining clarity and committing to a path forward. 

Step 6: Commitment to a Path Forward

While Discernment Counseling does not advocate for a particular path, what it does advocate for is clarity about a path forward, based on greater understanding and insight. The goal is that in five sessions or less, you have arrived at a decision to either 1) Consciously make the decision to “stay the course” of the relationship for now; 2) Divorce in a respectful and collaborative manner or 3) Commit to 6 months of couples therapy to try to address the problems of the relationship. 

Whatever decision you make, your Discernment Counselor will support you in the transition - whether that is providing resources for collaborative divorce and helping each of you show up as your best selves, facilitating a transition to couples therapy with clear goals and commitments, or helping you to clarify the terms of “staying the course” and identifying when it may make sense to revisit the Discernment process. 

Discernment counseling is designed to help you slow down and decide thoughtfully.